Relationships and the Social Media blindfold
The reality of things is that social media is not always reality, and it often adds a blindfold that prevents us from seeing how good WE have it. #relationshipgoals
Last night I was having a drink with some friends. We all began discussing life’s topics like careers, kids, relationships… you know the subjects that come up when you are in trusting company. The three of us all had a very different type of relationship: a divorced strong woman with children who has jumped back into dating, a young educated woman dating a man but not thinking yet about marriage, and a mom of one living with her child’s dad but not married. I guess if we had not known better we would have sworn that we all had different experiences and that maybe the other one might not understand our relationships or the struggles that come with it, but we found ourselves saying “ oh my goodness, me too!” way too many times. Maybe we often times look at others’ lives and we decide that we should keep our problems or concerns to ourselves when it comes to relationships. We decide to only share or show the good side of it all but during our conversation I learned this…
- All relationships are hard and take a lot of work even though some make it seem so easy.
After talking about things with others we realize how common these problems may be and that our relationship is nothing but normal.
- For example: complaining about unequal chores in the home, men leaving their clothes everywhere, having to take care of the children and our partner even after working hard elsewhere, not being validated for what we do, feeling loss of romance or spark in our relationships, feeling like the love is one-sided or not equally shown.
- Some of these things may make us feel like our relationship is not comparable to others and that maybe there is something that must not be working. Maybe it is us?!
When people decide to keep everything behind closed doors it is easy to assume couples are perfect.
- We do not only compare ourselves to others, but we may find ourselves comparing our relationship to other people. This brings me to my next point… Social media can be an illusion and only a dimension of reality.
I will say this again: Social media can be an illusion and only a dimension of reality.
What do I mean by that? Do you ever find yourself scrolling through your feed only to see pictures or videos of couples? Maybe it is people you know, or celebrities, or complete strangers, and you find yourself desiring their life? Maybe their relationship looks so perfect, it looks so nice, and it looks so ideal. We may often even create a false image of our own and we may begin to find that our own relationship is lacking in comparison. “Why doesn’t he/she do this for me?” “I wish he/she did this for me?” We see tags like #relationshipgoals, #squadgoals etc., and our mind begins to wander.
My friends this can be poison to the mind, because the reality of things is… social media is not reality.
I found a perfect example while I was on YouTube today. It was a video; which I will link below, that gave viewers an insight into what really happened behind the scenes of really wonderful viral photos on social media. Some were of couples, some were of just people and places, but what stuck out at me the most is that this “behind the scenes” reality is what we often forget. We forget that maybe before that couple you envy on social media took their amazing loving photo some of the following may have happened:
- They argued like most couples do.
- They probably could not decide on how the picture should look.
- Maybe one of them was forced to pose for this photo.
- Maybe they are not right for each other but decide to push through for likes or because of other life variables (children, financial stability, fear, routine etc.)
- Maybe this picture is the only thing that is convincing them and others that their relationship is ideal and worth it.
So why did I post this? Why did I bother to talk about a conversation I had with a group of girlfriends that found hope and solace in venting about their men and relationships? Well because I want others to realize that looking onto others for comparison is not healthy, especially in relationships. We cannot live with the burden of keeping things unspoken for fear of looking like that crazy couple that should not be together. Problems, disagreements, and arguments can be so normal in relationships, but learning to seek comfort in trusting friends can help.
Talking of course may also be a way of figuring out if what you are feeling regarding your relationship is normal, or if it simply a reminder that those red flags that are popping out in your relationship may be worth a second glance.
As always thank you all for reading. I highly appreciate your responses and suggestions. I know that some of you follow me for the science articles and I do enjoy doing them greatly as well. Thanks for allowing me to open up conversation about things that interest me and hopefully interest you as well.
Here is the link to the video! Enjoy
15 truths behind photos on social media