A Birthday Letter to My Past:
This letter is really a goodbye letter to my past. A birthday letter to my present.
It’s my birthday! I made it to 27. Some days I feel far younger, some days I feel far too tired to be this young. I have been asked what I want for my birthday and I just cannot come up with a good response. Yes I love shoes, and clothes, and food, and dancing; but this year I think I just want one thing, PEACE. Of course I would want world peace as many would, but I am talking about inner peace. If I look back to even just 5 years ago I can remember having a very different state of mind. I had different goals and different worries. I was so preoccupied with being a good student, a great partner, a trustworthy friend, and the best mother. I went through a lot of emotional turmoil that it made my mind feel far more exhausted than it should at 27. This year I just want peace. This is why I feel that this letter to my past is the culmination of these years of excessive worrying and unnecessary questioning of past relationships and past decisions. It is the end of the soundtrack in my mind playing “what if” on repeat. Here is the birthday letter to my past.
Dear Past Friendships:
- Thank you for abusing my trust and letting me know not everyone values a good friend. It made me very good at distinguishing between fake friends and forever friends.
- Thank you for spending the time and effort to talk ill about me behind my back. It made me realize that it was more about your insecurities than mine.
- Thank you for creating a distance between us that allowed me to find stronger and healthier friendships.
Dear Past Employers:
- Thank you for not giving me that raise I deserved. It made me realize that the value of my work is not valued by what others decide to pay me.
- Thank you for not giving me those well deserved days off. It made me learn that I wanted to make my own schedule. I deserved time to myself.
- Thank you for not caring to learn about my needs and goals in life. It made me realize you were not in my future and were simply holding me back.
Dear Past Relationships
- Thank you most of all for waking up one day and “realizing” you did not love me anymore. You set me free.
- Thank you for not returning my phone calls. You allowed me to free up my time and I did not get to tell you I needed you back. Well I know now I did not need you.
- Thank you for stringing me along until I could not hang on to you anymore. It made me learn how valuable my time and effort was and that I would never do that again.
- Thank you for tearing me down and then trying to pretend you were building me back up. I now recognize that I am the only one that can stay broken, and the only one that can heal myself.
- Thank you for leaving my life. Your presence in it was toxic and forgiving myself was the healthiest thing I could have done.
Dear Past Self
- You were worth it. You have always been. You will always be.
- Thank you for making mistakes. Without some of them you would not have found the current path of happiness you are on.
- Thank you for speaking up. Your internal voice needed an outward performance. People needed to hear what you were going through to make you realize you were not alone.
- Thank you for getting back up and for figuring out you were more than any label.
Dear Present and Future
- Commit to success and happiness. What ever happened, whom ever happened, where ever it happened is no longer a reality. Your mind deserves peace. Happy Birthday to me. Happy rebirth to my inner peace.
As always, thank you all for reading. Hope that you guys enjoy my content and I look forward to reading your comments and suggestions. Maybe this was a very weird or odd post. I did not want to skip a day of blogging and thought that I should write this inner monologue I had in my head for a few days. This birthday I wanted to write something I can come back to when I feel my past creeping in to haunt me. I also hope that by reading this it will inspire some peace in your mind and that you can look back and see how far you have made it despite your past experience. It is because of that experience that you can write such a colorful story of your life. Thank you again.